Issue 37, Volume 86 2005-2006
Voters Veto Props, Re-elect Mayor
Wednesday, November 9, 2005
As of 12 a.m. this morning, preliminary returns from yesterday's special election showed that all the statewide propositions failed by very narrow margins and Santa Barbara City's incumbent Mayor, Marty Blum, won by a margin much higher than even she expected. One hundred percent of the 220 precincts in Santa Barbara County reported election results as of approximately 10:15 p.m. yesterday.
Church's Paulist Fathers To Leave Local Ministry
Wednesday, November 9, 2005
After nearly 40 years of serving the UCSB and Isla Vista community, the Roman Catholic priest order of the Paulist Fathers announced that a dwindling number of priests and lack of resources has caused it to pull its ministry from St. Mark's Church in Isla Vista.
Student Health Runs Low on Shot Stock
Wednesday, November 9, 2005
While other local facilities have an ample supply, UCSB Student Health has nearly exhausted its stock of the influenza vaccine due to a high volume of students, faculty and staff seeking inoculation against illness.
CHP To Give Thanks by Donating Turkeys for Underprivileged
Wednesday, November 9, 2005
Officers from the Santa Barbara chapter of the California Highway Patrol will hand out turkeys as well as tickets this Thanksgiving season for locals who cannot afford to finance their own feasts.
SB County Tests for Infected Mosquitoes in Various Locations
Wednesday, November 9, 2005
Several mosquitoes carrying West Nile virus have been found inhabiting pools of standing water countywide since the disease's first discovery in Santa Barbara in 2004.
Ex-Professor To Serve 2 Years
Wednesday, November 9, 2005
Former UCSB professor and Nobel Prize winner John Robert Schrieffer was sentenced to two years in state prison Monday for gross negligence vehicular manslaughter.
New Campus Center To Examine the Mind
Wednesday, November 9, 2005
UCSB will soon evolve from a place where minds can study to a place where researchers can also study the mind. The recently founded SAGE Center for the Study of the Mind will offer faculty and students the chance to focus on and research the human mind from every discipline, said Michael Gazzaniga, future director of the center.
I'm kind of a big deal. People know me.
Wednesday, November 9, 2005
So a cowboy and a marijuana leaf walk into a bar...
Wednesday, November 9, 2005
The Wednesday Hump
Ejaculate Maturely
Wednesday, November 9, 2005
I've been watching way too much "Nip/Tuck" and it has finally paid off. I've translated those countless hours into a column. On Nov. 1, we found three ladies saving their business with a signature product - anti-wrinkle cream with a semen base. Now, this begs the question: do excessive money shots really make you look younger?
40 oz. to Freedom
Southern Swigs Comfort Your Spirits
Wednesday, November 9, 2005
So, I was in this theory class over the summer. In one of the articles we read, this gray-bearded congressman quips something along the lines of, "I don't really know what it is, but I know it's bad." Of course, this 'bad thing' he alludes to is pornography.
Gaucho Economicus
Dining Commons Blatantly Maximizes Its Bland Utilities
Wednesday, November 9, 2005
As you may have noticed during Parents' Weekend, the folks tend to be impressed with odd aspects of our school. Particularly noticeable are their expressions upon entering one of UC Santa Barbara's finer dining halls; it's as if the huddled masses had just reached Ellis Island. After the initial shock wears off, they proceed to give a grim verbal picture of the eating conditions in their day.
New Budget Reform Cuts Federal Aid, Heightens Student Fees
Wednesday, November 9, 2005
Congress is poised to consider a budget bill that will brutally cut federal safety-net programs for people who need and deserve assistance. The bill would cut food stamps, child support, foster care and health care for the poor, such as the victims of Hurricane Katrina.
Men's Soccer
Gauchos Look for Wins in Final Week of Season
Wednesday, November 9, 2005
Things have gone from bad to worse for the #23 UCSB men's soccer team. After falling to #14 Northridge last week, a loss that eliminated the Gauchos (10-4-3 overall, 5-1-2 in the Big West) from Big West title contention, the squad now finds itself in third place behind both Northridge and Irvine.
Men's Basketball
Santa Barbara To Tune Up Offense Versus Westmont
Wednesday, November 9, 2005
Sophomore forward Chris Devine made his Gaucho debut last week against UC San Diego. Santa Barbara hosts Westmont in an exhibition tonight at 7.