Disclaimer: Imagining the following scenarios may require you to put yourself in the shoes of someone who identifies as gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender. If this makes you uncomfortable, please stop reading. I would not want to cause your small mind any more discomfort. If it does not, please excuse this and keep reading.
It’s Halloween weekend. You are out with your close friends on an exciting Friday night in Isla Vista. You are texted an address to a party your friend is hosting and decide to go. You arrive at the door, where a couple guys are standing, apparently checking who is entering the party. They seem to be letting everyone in. However, when your group tries to enter, one of the guys blocks the entrance and says to his friend, “Wait, they look gay.”
“Yeah, they do,” he responds. “Sorry, you guys can’t come in.”
“But we know the girl who is hosting this party. Her friends invited us, too.”
“Um … Um, okay come in quickly, but no more of you.”
Fast forward to Saturday night: You are walking down Sabado in costume with a close friend. You pass a house with a few guys sitting on the porch.
“Hey, look guys, it’s gay dudes,” they yell.
You ignore them.
“Hey, we are talking to you. Yeah, you two. Fucking fags.”
What do you do? Do you get angry and respond? Do you continue to ignore them? What if you ignore them and it only angers them more? What if they leave their porch, and approach you to start a fight? Or do you say something? Do you flick them off? What if you do and that, too, angers them, causing them to get up and attack you? Or do you just walk away quickly? Or run?
These are real experiences that I witnessed and had in Isla Vista this weekend. And I am not alone. And it is not only during Halloween that these types of things happen. And it is not only against gay-identified males. And it is not okay.
I am proud of my sexuality. Being called a “fucking fag” was painful and angering but not life threatening at that time. I avoided physical contact, brushed off the words and moved on with my night. And I had a great night.
But there are those at UCSB who struggle with their gender, sexuality and identity every single day. There are people who do not have the privilege of being proud like me. People who are “in the closet,” not because they are not courageous, but because staying in the closet is a matter of survival. Because they are in a fraternity and are afraid to isolate themselves from their heterosexual frat brothers. Because if their parents find out, they would stop paying for tuition. Because if they stand up for themselves, they could have their asses beaten by a bunch of drunk guys in Isla Vista.
Homophobia is very real in our community. It is not wise to simply write these situations off as minor incidents. There are many that go unreported. There are those who may feel like sharing a hate-crime incident that they endured could “out” them. Or cause more violence against them.
But I, frankly, have had enough. Today, it is a few hateful words. Tomorrow, it is violence against another student. Or possibly, those homophobic slurs could trigger someone to hurt themselves.
It’s time the larger UCSB population came together to propose solutions to stop homophobia. We are a beautiful, educated and broad-minded community. Let’s start acting like it.
If you have any comments, concerns or personal experiences you would like to share, please email Andrew Farkash at andrewfarkash@gmail.com. Also, if you would like to get more involved in the queer community and help make UCSB a safer place for all, feel free to attend the A.S. Queer Commission meetings, held Mondays at 6 p.m. on the second floor of the MCC.
Thank you, Andrew, for making your voice heard and sharing these unfortunate experiences with the community. I look forward to the day when all members of our UCSB community are treated with the respect that we each deserve.
Andrew- You show great strength and leadership in writing such an article. Thank you.
Then we will organize, mobilize, and make change so that for the next generation it will get better.
You said this type of thing happens only during Halloween. Do you think that might be because of all the out of towners? I personally don’t know any homophobic UCSB students
No things like this have happened casually. It saddens me that it is at UCSB but in reality, some people may not admit or tell the world that they are homophobic unless they are with a group that supports their position. Just because we don’t know any (I don’t either or at least not that I know of), it doesn’t mean it should be taken lightly. I do not identify myself as gay, bisexual, or lesbian and I personally have never seen any action like this but I trust the students who have been harassed.
I wrote, “And it is not only during Halloween that these types of things happen.” So I am stressing that it is NOT only during Halloween that his happens. In fact, I have heard of other incidents from the community, some more severe, that happen on a normal weekend in IV. Both the incident that I witnessed and the incident that occurred to me personally seemed to be from people who lived in Isla Vista, i.e. the guy who didn’t let a group of people in explicitly at a house party (and said it flat out) because they were gay… Read more »
Sounds like some faggy bullshit. Just stay off Greek row and keep yur hands off my junk brah
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Slaggot&defid=3936496
http://cw.ua.edu/2011/08/31/pi-kappa-alpha-sued-for-hazing/
download this: http://wlstorage.net/file/pi-kappa-alpha-ritualbook.pdf
We dont even have a greek row you small minded asshole.
That jeremy, is what we call a troll. by acknowledging a troll you give it power. god bless.
PIKE4Life, you’re obviously not from the UCSB campus or community. If you dont have any positive feed back or comments i suggest you just dont say anything at all. Also by making statements like these does not make your fratt look good it gives them a bad reputation
Solidarity from LA. Such discomfort shouldn’t exist on any university campus. Campuses that so greatly pride themselves on being so educated and diverse and yet have ignorant students reacting at differences they don’t understand. Keep standing strong Andrew. Hope other’s see this and perhaps can say stand alongside the queer community.
Sad but true and very important. I hope we can hear these stories and DO something about this…
Can I ask what costume you were wearing?
It shouldn’t matter. No matter what he was wearing, it doesn’t excuse any of the homophobia that they encountered.
This is ridiculous, It doesnt matter what the individual was wearing that kind of language is unacceptable period. Asking these kinds of question opens the door for justification for actions that perpetuate harassment and bullying.
This comment is bothersome for so many reasons. Are you insinuating that he deserved this type of harassment? If you were to know what he was wearing, would that change how you assess the situation? This is like asking a victim of sexual assault what they were wearing when the incident occurred. It doesn’t matter one bit and if you truly believe that factor should matter at all, you’re just reinforcing that what happened to Andrew (or anyone else in Isla Vista, or any other community) is okay. It’s not okay. Open your eyes to the issue at hand, here.
A straight person would be called a fag if they were wearing a really gay outfit. Gay people can’t be exempt from bullying for not abiding by social norms and just pulling the “gay card”.
haha I agree with you again. We think exactly the same. and this is coming from someone who is closeted
Will and Ashley. I asked only because I think I might have been at that party. I’m queer too so please don’t attack me.
Sorry that happened to you, nobody deserves this. People need to stand together and just try to have a good time rather than discriminating for no reason. Keep your head up :)
I hate articles like this. By exaggerating this issue, you appear ridiculous to straight people. This makes them to feel less guilty, ultimately making homophobia seem more acceptable. In my experience, the majority of homophobia is propagated, imagined, and misrepresented by the LGBT community. Before you write me off as some bigoted idiot, consider where this opinion is coming from. I’m a closeted bisexual. I’m in a fraternity. My religious parents vehemently oppose homosexuality. In your opinion, I’m a victim that needs protecting But, that’s not how I feel. I’m not a victim, and I have never feared any violence… Read more »
By simply disregarding someone else’s real experience is really sad. Especially since you yourself are a part of the community. From what you wrote, I assume you are a cisgender person that has straight-passing privilege. The fact that you could easily hide in a crowd of straight people without others knowing is a privilege you’re throwing around here that now all people in the LGBTQ community have. Please try to educate yourself on other parts of out community before you bash on them. Do you understand what it’s like to be trans?
You are refusing to come out to be afraid to be “associated” with people like the one who wrote this article? Maybe if you did come out it would make people realize that you aren’t associated with “those” gay people at all. LGB is a diverse community where everyone is not alike. There are probably a dozen other guys in the greek system in the SAME exact situation as you. They don’t want to come out because they don’t want to be “associated” with a stereotype. But what if you ALL came out? What would happen then? You would challenge… Read more »
you really shouldn’t blame the people who perpetuate gay stereotypes for being homophobic. Straight people who don’t like that type of person (one who is flamboyant) should be able to be smart enough to realize that the entire community is not that way.
I assume your description of “legitimate homophobia” is similar to Akin’s explanation of legitimate rape?
No. I’ve witnessed many gay people get upset and accuse other people of homophobia. And, as a gay person, I can honestly say that 100% of the time I’ve witnessed it at UCSB, it has been the gay person’s fault.
Hello. Thank you for sharing your opinion. However, please do not put words in my mouth. I never labeled anyone as a victim. I never labeled myself as a victim. If anything, I’m a fighter. And I will always be. And my goal in this article is to inspire people to be as well. I did not use the word victim ONCE in my article. And I did that intentionally. If you read clearly, I wrote that “People who are ‘in the closet’, not because they are not courageous, but because staying in the closet is a matter of survival.”… Read more »
Thanks for taking the time to respond, Andrew, I appreciate it. I realize that you never explicitly used the word “victim” in your article. However, the fact that you describe yourself as a “fighter” reveals that mentality. Almost every instance of “homophobia” I have witnessed at UCSB was instigated by the gay person, not the other way around. Gays need to stop stamping their foot on the ground, waving their arms in the air, and screaming whenever anyone makes a derogatory comment towards them. People make annoying comments all the time, not just to gay people. I’m not saying that… Read more »
Thank you for the response. You choose to live your life in the closet, and I respect that just as much as I respect someone who is “out”. But that doesn’t mean that I should be targeted and harassed for choosing to live my life openly. This sentence alone sums up the monumental fallacies in your arguments: “You can’t say that your sexuality isn’t a defining part of your character and then walk down the street wearing ridiculous clothes and expect no one to say anything to you about it.” Really? So the hyper-masculine straight bros in Isla Vista aren’t… Read more »
Your generalizations of the white/straight population reveal your own bigotries. You claimed that the guys in Isla Vista who are “white and heterosexual” engage in “cat calling, sexual/verbal harassment, [and] rape.” Rape? Really? You are saying that white men RAPE people? I realized that there have been white men who have raped women in Isla Vista in the past, but that’s a pretty strong generalization. Let’s use a less dramatic example: what if someone was to say, “Gay guys come onto straight guys”? I’m sure you would consider that statement ignorant, prejudicial, and almost entirely false. But somehow you feel… Read more »
Wow dude, I know exactly what you mean. I only came out and started exploring the community recently, and let me just say, I’m disgusted by the things I’ve seen and heard coming from the LGBT community here. My straight friends? They’ve been great. They don’t care. But the LGBT people? I’m constantly confronted by racism, intolerance of opinion, and general negativity. A whole generation of people is being trained to look for problems where they’re aren’t. And, if necessary, create them (not all the time though–the author didn’t deserve to endure what he did). They don’t WANT anyone to… Read more »
Lol is that you, Harrison? Or Mike? Come on, I know it’s one of you!
If I told you that I’m gay, what else could you tell me about myself? I’d assume nothing since you don’t know me. But that’s exactly my point. What I hope you come to realize is that there’s so much diversity within the queer community. We’ve got jocks, bros, nerds, frat guys, dancers, sorority girls…we’re just people. Being associated with a certain type of person can be a deterrent to coming out, sure. But that all depends on the people with whom you surround yourself. If you come out and the people around you pin you instantly as some over-dramatic,… Read more »
EXACTLY^^
Couldn’t agree more with this comment.
Honestly, I don’t know how you can use the fact of you making fun of a fat person to justify bullying when in this case, you are the bully.
I am the proud mother of a Gay UCSB student. Saddly I have not always been proud and have said things to my son that I will regret until the day I die. It is my courageous son that showed me how his sexuality meant nothing when it relates to him as a giving, honest, bright, and loyal person and son. My husband and I love him and have so much pride in him it is beyond measure. The only thing we fear is the ignorance of others and what that might mean for his safety. Punks are everywhere and… Read more »
wow, i must say your ignorance overwhelms me. I just hope your not part of our institution, because if you are I must say they made a mistake allowing ignorant homophobic and racist individuals like yourself.
1. There are a lot of straight people who will never have biological children.
2. Only two men in matching tuxes? pfff. Gay weddings are awesome. You can do literally whatever you want and have the most fun time. And its about LOVE not about stupid traditions.
3. The term is daughter in law not stepdaughter… come on.
4. Yeah they “made their son gay” what kind of world do you live in. Saying that kind of stuff is not even offensive because all the science and evidence is against you. It honestly just makes you look really really stupid.
Hi Anita,
Please ignore the ignorant response by ‘anonymous’ saying how you “brought this upon yourself” and talking about white wedding dresses and other bullshit. You sound like a great mother and I am sure your son is proud of you for being able to come this far in what most consider a short time. Obviously there are still very racist, very homophobic people out there, students who will hopefully see the wrongs they commit in the near future. Thank you for sharing your story. Please know that it has not gone unheard or unrespected. :)
Wow, your sarcasm and ignorance astounds me. If anyone’s parents should be ashamed it should be yours. Use the education you’re getting to EDUCATE yourself. Differences are what make us unique and EVERYONE deserves to be treated like they belong. Even you. Please have a little more respect for yourself and those around you. Your comments only make you look bad.
I concur.
dude wat
Wow does it make you feel good to use a word that historically put down people of color. I hope you say these things in public so you can be corrected and educated, but since you sent it anonymously I can only assume you’re a coward with no conviction.
Don’t feed the troll!
Saying that “things don’t change” is not only false but does nothing to help the cause. NO ONE should be treated like this and speaking out against it is the right thing to do- even if change takes time. You’re right, that is the way it is, BUT it shouldn’t be. Why sit by and just let it be?
Literally went through this same experience… had a bunch of guys call me a fag because I was dressed in what was apparently a “gay” outfit (which is strange to me, because it didn’t occur to me at the time that a form of dress could be associated with someone’s sexual orientation). It’s time to end homophobia and stop the use of “gay slurs” as something commonplace and socioculturally acceptable. Homosexuality should no longer be associated with negativity and negative words (aka “that’s so gay”, “faggot” etc.), and hate towards the gay community, and towards all groups of people, needs… Read more »
I dont think anybody that uses the phrase “thats so gay” is using it to put down homosexuality. In our generation that has evolved to be synonymous with “lame” or “stupid” or “not favorable” which makes it obvious that the beginnings of “thats so gay” were negative. That being said when it gets used I find it hard to believe that the person saying it is doing so with the intent of insulting a homosexual person, rather they are expressing their displeasure with something. It is sad, I think, that some Homosexuals still associate that phrase with being derogatory. gay=stupid,… Read more »
We’re all clear on what a lot of people intend with saying “that’s so gay”. The real issue that you need to look at is the FACT that gay is being used interchangeably with some really shitty and ableist term. Someone’s identity is being equated to something of “displeasure”, as you would say.
That is the issue with that phrase.
And why do Homosexuals HAVE to identify with “gay”. A much better term for “LGBTQ” (I think thats the order) would be HBTQ, with Lesbian and Gay being combined into Homosexual. Gay, as I’m sure you know, was originally used to mean “happy”. Should all “happy” people also be offended when the phrase, “thats so gay” is used? Speaking about intent, that is what truly matters. IF it is clear that the intent of “thats so gay” is not to bludgeon the homosexual community with a distasteful remark, then why do people(gay or straight) continue to misconstrue this phrase into… Read more »
It seems like you’re speaking from a really skewed and privileged perspective if you don’t think something like this is an issue to consider. And why are you trying to dictate how someone chooses to identify themselves? People can identify however they want, including realms outside of sexuality. And the reason that it is an issue is what I said in the post above.
As a member of the LGBT community, I have to disagree with you. When people freak out when straight people use the word, “Thats so gay” it makes you look very stupid. That person doesn’t hate gay people, so accusing them of being homophobic just makes all gay people look stupid
Newsflash, people get their asses beat in IV every weekend, straight or gay. Stop trying to play up the exclusivity of IV crime.
privileged mofos
Oh, so because it happens every weekend, it makes it right? Wouldn’t logic therefore lead you to deduce that the frequency in which this occurs makes it a serious issue? I also made it very clear that slurs/violence is not just targeted against gay identified males, however, in this case it was. And I choose to share my narrative not only to bring attention to homophobia (which is important), but also to larger issues on campus and in Isla Vista. HOWEVER, the incidents I discussed were targeted directly at me and my friends because of our sexuality (or assumed sexuality).… Read more »
Play up the exclusivity of IV crime? Since when should any sort of crime be shoved under the rug and played as a socially accepted act? That might be the most ignorant thing I have ever heard. And at that: let me tell you the difference between a straight person getting beat and a gay person getting beat. A straight person getting beat up not for his appearance, demeanor, or sexuality, but perhaps for being too drunk, hitting on someone else’s girlfriend, or simply for making a stupid comment at the wrong time. A gay person being beat has to… Read more »
I completely agree. Though obviously straight people can easily be attacked for reasons other than their own dumb decisions & gay people can be attacked for reasons other than being gay or perceived gay. But when it comes down to it happening just because of their sexual orientation, or any other reason that someone can’t control, that’s when it’s a bigger issue.
The harsh truth is that this is a losing battle. Maybe you won’t hear the word fag as often, but there will be a large group of individuals who are completely against being a homosexual. Not because they are bad people, but because of religious reasons. We can ask society to be more tolerant, but thats similar to asking all of the countries surrounding Israel to be accepting of them and stop the hatred. As long as religion is involved, this will be a losing battle for the homosexual population as a whole. Anyone who denies this is ignorant. We… Read more »
this is great.
Yes, of course prejudice, bigotry & ignorance will never be eliminated. Of course it is impossible as a whole. But that does not make it right or acceptable & does in no way make it pointless to stand against.
I cannot believe some of the comments i’m reading from you people. I expected way better and what are some of you saying? That this is the way things are so deal with it? Nothings going to ever change so suck it up? Are you kidding me?!
Ok why don’t you start a movement and then ask the millions of Christians that follow the bible to change their beliefs. Might as well just go into Genesis 2:22-24 and then rewrite right? WRONG. Sometimes the truth hurts and people should be able to do what they want in life, but sometimes these battles don’t work. High Schools across the country have tried to end this word fag and has it worked? Does the word never get said anymore? As a country, without controllong peoples beliefs, this is the best we can do. Im sorry author of this article,… Read more »
So you’re saying that the struggle that African-Americans went through to obtain their civil rights and equality (which is what the LGBTQ community is also fighting for) was pointless and that they didn’t change anything for the future generation? To me, and I’m sure a lot of other people, that is a very ignorant and regressive way of thinking.
Those are two different subjects. The African-Americans were enslaved, which is COMPLETELY different than whats the LGBTQ community is going through right now. Please don’t give me a “Oh they are emotionally enslaved bull shit.” The LGBTQ community is allowed to go to school, is allowed certain human rights that African- Americans were not when they were enslaved. To compare those times with modern day life is stupid. I never said that the civil rights movement was pointless and I’m not saying that there is not point to change anything for the future. LGBTQ people have a different fight. Its… Read more »
Just because that is what is taught & is followed does not mean that it is right or should not be opposed. That is the kind of mentality that never gets anything done. If that was how everyone thought, no progress would ever be made in any aspect of the world. You have to stand up for what you believe in & what is morally right, whether or not others may not agree. Restricting others’ rights, putting people down & creating a hate-filled atmosphere is never excusable or right under any context. Making excuses for it is nearly as bad… Read more »
Gay, Straight, Black, Blue, or Purple… It doesn’t matter. As an American, you have the Right to Keep and Bear Arms just as much as hateful people feel they have the right to spew their remarks.
Take matters into your own hands. Don’t expect anyone else to help you out. If you’re not willing to defend yourself or fight for what you believe in, then nothing will change. The Constitution of the United States was written to pave the way for justice and tranquility for everyone. It’s the law of this great land. Learn how to exercise and use it!
Some of these comments are appalling and revolting. Andrew, thank you for sharing your story and know that the majority of people stand with you. There will always be bigots, racists, and homophobic people. We just need to make our voice stronger than theirs until we can no longer hear their hateful words.
I am seriously disgusted by the replies I’m reading. This is saying that all those through history that have been oppressed, enslaved, segregated, etc. for their differences and fought for their rights and equality isn’t the same as this? Here you have a large community of people who sexually prefer something other then what people have decided to think is “normal,” so we have to ridicule and beat them down because they’re “different.” Everyone is fucking different. Yes, to all the religious Christians, Jews, Muslims, etc out there that believe we should go with the Bible, Torah, or Qur’an with… Read more »
I was just about to write pretty much this same thing. Reading the cruelty and ignorance behind some of these responses has honestly made me sick to my stomach. These people should feel ashamed and I hope that one day they realize what type of person they are and decide to start helping, instead of hurting, the people around them. And I just want to reiterate your last two sentences: “To anyone going through these issues, when you hear things like this said to you, don’t back down. Stand up for yourself and show everyone that they can’t fuck with… Read more »
i know that the mean people in this thread intend only to insult people and cause them emotional harm, and that’s understandable. we live in a cruel world and those are the models you must have had growing up.
but if you want to spend 5 minutes educating yourself about the history of same sex and other non-heteronormative cultural practices, this wikipedia article might shine some light on your very narrow view of reality.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/History_of_homosexuality
I cant believe you would use wikipedia as a site for actual information. it has to be one of the most unreliable mainly becasue of all the bull shit that can happen to it.
Yes it has the possibility of being inaccurate (though there are frequent fact checkers whose job is to identify misinformation)
However, any book about the History of Homosexuality (two that I have read, anyway) will tell you much the same thing- homosexuality is not a new thing, nor has it always been looked down upon. Native tribes of Hawaii, for example, call them Aikane, and they were accepted as a special part of the family. (Actually learned that in a UCSB class about Asian religion)
Educate. Educate. Educate.
I’m sorry you were harassed by drunk guys for your sexual identity. I am a UCSB grad who identifies as bi. While I don’t agree with the comments that these guys made to you, I have never witnessed anything like that toward me or any of my friends for our sexual identity in the 5 years I was there. I was harassed far more for being a woman than I ever was for my sexual orientation. Not only was I cat called 95% of the time when I walked around on weekend nights, I was openly groped on the streets… Read more »
Andrew, I am so sorry you had to endure those threats and insults. UCSB and IV are more accepting and tolerant than many places, but we still have a long way to go. Thank you for your courage and candor. I hope your story inspires others to stand up against hate.
The guy just told a simple story and asked that we think twice. Why do these things always end up with so muc hate. Why waist time hating on the author of that story, and continue doing so. If you’ve no intention of a positive comment, then why waist your time?
It’s an opinion article. We are adding our own opinions. I believe this is the purpose of the comment section…
What a conversation!! :O
Mr. Farkash, thank you for this beautiful article. I was deeply moved and appreciate you standing up for us so bravely. With rhetoric this powerful, I believe you are going to be an incredibly influential figure someday. Keep fighting the good fight. I’m with you!
People just get over it. I’m tired of all the gays pushing an agenda down our fucking throats! Being gay is not like being black. You have the choice(blacks don’t) Hell, I’d love to be rich but I don’t rob a bank. We all have desires but we as educated people know which ones to act upon. For you to say you have urges and desires is crazy. Control them a d quit your bitchin
I am so proud of you Andrew what a blessing you are on this earth I wish all people could have your kind loving and beautiful heart and soul thank you for all that you are and all that you will accomplish in this world all my love mom3