Welcome to Town, Get Ready to Cheer
So football season is upon us, and as incoming freshman, it’s likely just dawned on you that UCSB doesn’t actually have a team. Distressing, no? That’s what I thought when I was in your position a couple years back. But I was — as you can pretty easily guess by reading the Sports page of the school paper — entirely wrong.
Monopolizing Your Free Time
After a couple of fun, but little-remembered, Friday nights spent hovering over the beer pong tables (and, on the flipside, some Saturday mornings hovering over the communal dorm toilet bowls), you might find yourself searching for some alternative means of entertainment. It’s not all luck: It takes a little knowledge and some careful strategizing to make the most of your free time, and Artsweek is here to help you beat the bank (and stay out of jail).
Busted
“There are so many drunk people here, I don’t know why you chose us.”
Let’s Go Fish for Some Opinions
We at the Daily Nexus would like to introduce you to the Opinion section. It’s a nifty little place where people, appropriately, write their opinions. You’ll notice that it’s different from news — do not be alarmed! Please, for the love of Buddha, do not call us and complain that we are not “upholding the ethical standards of journalism” when we run a column you don’t agree with. Know what you should do when you disagree with something in the Opinion section? Write to us!
Introductions
Today’s forecast: Rainy, tearful emotions in the morning, sunny smiles in the afternoon, hazy memories overnight.
Oh, you thought you would be able to get the barometric pressure and stuff in the box labeled “Weather”? HA! You are such a freshman.
No One Can Compete When the Gauchos Go Loco
College sports are the shit. Call me biased if you want — writing about sports does pay my monthly booze bill, after all — but I’ve passed Go on the sporting world’s Monopoly board more than a few times, and the fun I’ve had at every UCSB athletic event has been worthy of a spot on the Boardwalk.
Become a Pawn in the UCSB Sex Game
It was a vibrant fall morning, with leaves of crimson sprinkling along Highway 101. I leaned out the window and breathed in the Santa Barbara sea breeze, acquainting myself with a novel idea: This is my home for the next four years. Before I could exhale, the car window rolled up into my larynx, as my mother declared, “Jen, there’s something we should talk about.” Five missed exits later, this captive listener was educated in all the various forms of genital warts. I kindly asked her to roll my head back up in the window.
Dear Class of 2012 (or 2013),
Let’s play a game.
No, no, not that creepy one with the hacksaw, Christ. I meant the sweet, innocent kind that you haven’t played in years — the kind with boards and playing pieces and paper money!
No? Shit. O.K., I’m getting ahead of myself — let’s start over.
Sports Buffs
You freshmen think you know sports? The QB is here to help you wade through al the bullshit in the sports world. Here’s to hoping that the painfully boring NFL preseason ends soon.